Is Your Partner a Commitment Phobic?
What is commitment phobia? “Phobia” as we all know is a deep subconscious and irrational fear of something. Therefore ‘Commitment Phobia’ is the fear that someone, male or female, can experience when required to commit to anything, from something as simple as promising to do something for a child to marriage, or settling into a serious relationship.
Who Are Commitment Phobics?
There are known to be several different kinds of commitment phobes and the job is to decide which sort you are:-
- The ‘Unconscious Commitment Phobe’: There are many who spend endless years searching for Miss or Mr Right only to crumble and run at the mere suggestion of marriage or a steady relationship. When threatened with such commitment they can become extremely defensive and even very angry.
- The ‘Avoidant Commitment Phobe’ are more aware and conscious of their fears. They tend to look for people like themselves who too are afraid of commitment. This way, both parties can feel same in the knowledge that the issue of commitment will never be raised by either party. Issues may then only arise if one of the partners changes and grows emotionally, and then starts to yearn for and
- The ‘Perfectionist’ will cloak his or her commitment fears under the pretext of looking for perfection, promising to finally commit when they find this perfect partner. Deep down they and everyone else knows that perfection doesn’t actually exist. The Perfectionists safety from commitment relies in the knowledge that perfection is truly not possible.
It may be a lot easier for someone outside this process to recognize the ‘symptoms’. A little background knowledge of the family the ‘phobe’ was raised in can give big clues. Children of seriously unhappy families, those that have seen parents abused by their partner and those that have suffered some kind of serious relationship trauma are prime candidates.
The signs above will help you to recognize and decide whether you or your partner (or both) are commitment phobic. Diagnosing the real problem is the first and foremost tool to help solve the problem. If you find you are in love with commitment phobe, the power to change his thinking lies in your hands. Be patient, understand his or her problem, open gentle supportive discussions and at costs be reliable, loyal and don’t stop loving – this is the way to build trust and help overcome the issues. If the situation is very serious, then don’t forget that outside help such as relationship counseling is invaluable.