How To Be Friends With Your Ex

After breaking up you may feel it would be nice to stay on good terms with your Ex for yourself, and maybe also if there are children involved.  Keeping contempt and anger inside will hurt only one person, in this situation – yourself.  Being friends with the ex is not entirely impossible.

How to become friends with Ex

If you want to know how to stay friends, read the tips below.  Go step by step.

What to keep in mind:-

Patience and Time:

You need to sincerely wish to be friends with him or her for this to work, and the process may take a lot of your time and patience.   Hurts need mending or negotiating and both you and the ex need to learn to feel safe and unthreatened with each other for a friendship to be able to flourish.

Are You Sure? :

Primarily, make sure you are over them.  Even if your friendship has real potential give yourself enough time to collect yourself after your break up.  Any residual thoughts of anger or regret will mar the new friendship and you want it to evolve into a new level of friendship for each of you.

What Are Your Intentions? :

What are you hoping to achieve?  Do you want to be friends with your ex-lover only to torment him? Are you doing this to stop her from dating some other guy? If these are your intentions then do not to carry on with your plan.   This will cause more grief and heartache all round, and prevent you from moving on and finding happiness.

How to go about it?

  • Feel positive about your ex-lover. You cannot start a new relationship with any hard feelings.
  • Ask them how they are doing.  Leave a text message occasionally.  Call them up on their birthdays.  Be happy if their new life is going well.  Be genuinely interested in their welfare – they will know if it isn’t genuine.
  • Be supportive of this individual.
  • Avoid any kind of flirtation.  Physical intimacy should be avoided as it will cause more chaos and confusion in the parting.   You’ve been down that path – you know where it leads.
  • Hanging out with your ex is okay but don’t overdo it.  Set limits for yourself.
  • There is no room for blaming in this new ‘friendship’.  Consider the whole break-up issue a thing of the past – over and done with.
  • If you find your ex is not interested in any kind of contact with you – RESPECT that – don’t make a nuisance or a fool of yourself.

If you agree with all the pointers above – then ‘Go ahead’ and encourage friendship with your ex.  However, if you disagree at any stage, you need to think seriously that you are not ready for a ‘post-relationship’ friendship and move on.

1 response to How To Be Friends With Your Ex

  1. I have a question.
    I just got broken up with my boyfriend of almost 2 years last week. Obviously it’s too soon to become friends. But before we dated, we were really good friends for almost 3 years. I broke up with him twice during the 2 years because I told him I thought we were too young to decide that we were spending our entire lives together. (we’re 18). He ended up breaking up with me because he couldn’t go on knowing that I didn’t want to continue on in college. (So REALLY young).
    Well we promised each other that we’d be friends, but I’m not sure how to do it. Honestly, I’m miserable without him. The part I miss the most is having him there for me as a friend, and a person to comfort me, etc.
    I know it’s going to be hard and take some time, but I have to see him every day!
    Other than ignore him for as long as possible which is what I’m doing, how should I go upon this mission?

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