How to Deal with an Insecure Boyfriend?
He is really nice and sweet but you can not figure out how to deal with him when he pops up with one of his rages. He seems to be in constant fear that you will find someone better and leave him and so he is jealous if you even so much as smile at another guy. Girls, you have on your hands an insecure boyfriend. We would all like to have men who are full of confidence and do not feel the need to call us up every minute of the day demanding to know our whereabouts but unfortunately we can’t. As long as the world is full of imperfect people, there will be insecure ones as well.
Before you deal with the insecurity, you need to ascertain which kind of insecure boyfriend you are dealing with. The first kind is the one who thinks that your are too good for him and he does not deserve you and needs constant assurance that you indeed love him and are not going to run off with a better guy. This kind usually is generally a people pleaser and you will notice that even in other aspects of his life and past he needs constant reassurance.
The second kind is the one who is simply domineering and the reason he needs to know where you are every single minute of the day is his way of satisfying his ego. This kind will try to kiss you and hold you close whenever you are in public but rarely when you are alone. For this type of boyfriend, our advice is to dump him before he gets too attached to you because this behavior is not normal and he may only get worse.
Now having identified if your boyfriend is truly insecure and not a control freak, how do you deal with him and help him get better for a better relationship? Here are some answers to that:
- These are usually very emotional people so make certain that you connect with him on an emotional level. Let him know that you love him and that this is not a game to you as well but something you may want to pursue further.
- The best way to deal with insecurity is to pay complete attention to those people when they talk. When you are out in company and even when you are alone, when he talks to you, drop everything you are doing and pay complete attention to him. This will show him that you are really into him and eventually he will stop requiring so much attention.
- Talk to him about how his constant need for reassurance makes you feel and how he needs to get some help for it. Let him know that it is not healthy and if he decides to seek for medical help, be there for him and work with him. Let it be understood that while you are willing to help, you are not ready to become a prisoner to his whims.
- Another tactic can be to gently force him to dig deeper for the cause of his insecurity. Knowing the cause of a problem is said to be half the cure, and if he is afraid you will leave him just like all the people he ever loved, let him know that you are not people but someone who loves him deeply and are willing to go the extra mile with him.
In your desire to help your insecure boyfriend, make sure that you are truly in love with him and are ready to see the relationship in the long haul. If you are not, then it is best to break things off before he becomes attached to you as this will only reinforce his belief that good people always leave him if you break up with him later on.
Also be sure not to turn yourself into a hostage to your boyfriend’s emotions. If the neediness is too much for you then be strong enough to call it quits and do not feel guilty for not being able to help him. His insecurity has nothing to do with you, it existed before you and it will continue to do so even after you leave him.